"Thanks and thanks again to Him who offers to the man whom the sorrows of life have assaulted and left naked–offers to him the fig leaf of the Word with which he can cover his wretchedness." -Søren Kierkegaard

Infomercial #411

Posted in Theological by matt on Thursday, May 7, 2009

“Sarcasm is a weapon of the inept.”

-Jess’s grandmother


Ladies and gentlemen, as it stands there are now centuries of proof against the supposedly “flawless” systems known as Calvinism and Arminianism.

Men and women – no doubt with good intentions – proposed two “seamless” methods of biblical exposition that have managed to fail, confuse, and divide Christians rather than unite them. Countless systems have since been created and have added layers of confusion to an already confused public…but on this glorious day a new – and slightly more airtight – system has been created…by ME!

CALVININIANISM! (over-simplified acronym coming soon)

Behold! A system to end all theological systems! One has only to apply these simple tenets to any Scripture and they will be able to comprehend the Bible with comfort and ease.

Having a hard time with your quiet time? Tired of referencing  those expensive commentaries? Well don’t be troubled!

No longer do people have to diligently search the Scriptures or labor over those pesky, paradoxical passages. Just purchase your own copy of my book, CALVININIANISM!, today and I can assure you that this “super-system”, if you will, will revolutionize the way you read the Bible. In fact, it will make Christianity as easy as reading the morning paper!

And, on top of all that, this book is free! That’s right, free! Just pledge to put your faith in my system and to love my system with your heart, mind, soul, and strength and I’ll practically give you a copy! Order now!

**This is a monologue I played out one time in my head. I suppose I could explain that, at the time, I had walked a long way in the Bangkok sun and was particularly annoyed at certain claims I read concerning systematic theology, but it really wouldn’t change the fact that I’m weird. I mean, creating a fictitious infomercial satirizing man-made theological systems and then punching them into a text message to yourself isn’t exactly normal, but I’m posting it anyway. Booya**

Good Quote

Posted in Good Quotes, Stuff I'm Reading by matt on Sunday, November 16, 2008

The book I’m currently reading is an allegory called The Shack. It’s hard to describe, but my best shot is that it’s like a modern day, more philosophically-driven version of Pilgrim’s Progress. In the quote below God is “talking” (remember, it’s an uninspired, allegorical story) about man-made systems. If you know me you know my issues w/ systems…apparently this author shares my sentiments.

…I don’t create institutions; that’s an occupation for those who want to play God. So no, I’m not too big on religion…and I’m not very fond of politics or economics either. And why should I be? They are the man-created trinity of terrors that ravages the earth and deceives those I care about.

Put simply, these terrors are tools that many use to prop up their illusions of security and control. People are afraid of uncertainty, afraid of the future. These institutions, these structures and ideologies, are all a vain effort to create some sense of certainty and security where there isn’t any. It’s all false! Systems cannot provide you security, only I can.

What a statement! That Jesus – freedom incarnate – frees us from the illusion that freedom is the ability to do what you want; freedom is knowing Him and doing what He wants! May God free us to His own purposes and away from the illusion of security found in patriotism and religious activity.


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